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The responses to each FAQ are as specific as possible; however, it is a beginning response. If space and time permitted, lots of additional questions would be asked to provide more information on which to base a response. The response would be longer and more in-depth. To get the most from the response, read it to gain a perspective and a general path to take to deal with the situation at hand.
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FAQ# 1.I have this huge problem at home. My son and only child is 32 years old and is planning on getting married in the Spring. My husband is livid because he doesn't like the girl my son wants to marry.......You see, we are Catholic and she is Buddhist. He says that he won't go to the wedding nor have anything to do with them once they are married. She is Asian, as we are, but she is Vietnamese and he hates them because they killed a lot of his friends in the war. What do I do?
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FAQ#1 Response. *This is indeed a tough but not uncommon family situation. I can understand that disappointment and even anger. However, parents don't have the right or power to pick the person whom our Adult Child marries. We have to hope we raised them well and they make good choices. What you and your husband should talk about and work towards is how you can support this engagement so that it becomes a strong, compatible match and they are good for each other.
*There are many reasons for your husband's reactions including his religious upbringing and the aftermath of a serious war. Many other men have the same feelings and reactions. However, those that have had to deal with such a delimna, will tell you from experience that they have learned that not going to the wedding was a big mistake and something they greatly regret. Don't let your husband end up this way. *I would suggest that you and your husband go and see your priest and discuss this concern with him. *All relationships grow and change over time. What your husband doesn't like about his son's fiance' may well change in the future. Don't make decisions entirely based on things as they are now. Change is constant; we just don't know what that change will be to. *I actually know of an extended family member of mine whose child is of the Catholic faith and they recently married a Buddhist spouse. The marriage is new but all is going well. It was a beautiful ceremony, with something for everyone, much to the surprise of many of the reluctant guests. Dr. Dennis Cogswell |