FAQ # Five. Barbara, known as Memaw) a 58 year old grandmother , with her 32 year old daughter Susan, and
Susan’s eight year old daughter Melinda, had her grand daughter Melinda over for a sleep-over . All went fine but one thing. When Memaw got up in the morning she found this text message on her smart phone from Melinda , sent at 10:00pm last evening that she never saw. It said: "Memaw, help me. I can’t change the channel on the tv set." She felt bad that she had never gotten that message, but more importantly, what if her grand daughter had really needed her, and didn’t get her help? All she needed to do was open the door and call down to Memaw. She asked me: ‘what can I do to see that this doesn’t happen again?’ 
My son is a 21 year old, nice looking and charismatic young man. We also live
in a very small town, where everyone knows everyone else’s business. He told
me of an incident where at a party, a young lady who is separated from her
police officer husband was flirting with him heavily. I want so badly to tell
him NOT to get involved, but I’m afraid he’ll do just the opposite. What, if
anything, should I say?
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FAQ # Five Response. First some observations and then some recommendations. This is a good time to approach things as Melinda is eight and probably will be sleeping over again because of her good relationship with Memaw and her mother’s blessing for this type of activity. If all three can talk about what they would like Melinda to do when at Memaw’s, that would be a good approach…Principle # One is to approach what you want and to avoid spending much time on what is wrong. Principle # Two is to make what you want into as clear a list of behaviors as you can. Start by calling this plan something like ‘Memaw’s Goodies”’or something positive. Avoid the words and concepts of "rules". Since Melinda is a beginning reader, put some key words that says what Melinda is to do when she needs Memaw. Do this in Susan’s handwriting. Add some pictures that go along with the words. . Have Melinda add her touch to it by adding a picture or putting stickers on the poster. Once this is all done, the three of them should discuss what Melinda is to do when she is at Memaws, using the poster as a guide. Again, the focus is on what you want, avoiding any scolding or negative approach. When Melinda has her next sleep-over, as she is settling in, put the poster in the room where Melnda will be sleeping. In addition, since Melinda is in the process of learning how and when to use a cell-phone, talk with Susan and her husband about what and how they, and
probably Memaw , are going to teach Melinda how and when to use a cell phone. Remember, this is the role of parents and luckily in this family, a grandma, to be good role model s and teach Melina…….this role never ends; it just changes drastically. The key’s are to focus on what you want, speak and act kindly and positively, and work together, being at Melinda’s level as much as is possible.” |
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